Who do you identify with in the Bible? I see many wonderful women in my life who are modern day Esther, Martha, Mary and maybe a Jezebel. Have you ever considered that the personality you can identify with is not the greatest of ladies in the Bible or perhaps had a bad end? That has happened to me, I realized that Lot's wife and had a lot in common.
No, I did not turn into salt, but our attitudes seem to be similar. Our ladies group recently did a women of the Bible study and I picked Lot's wife. The preparation for the week hit me hard. I could easily see myself in her Prada sandals looking back. What was she looking back for? What did she see? What was she thinking??
That will be my journey in the next month. To look inside myself and possibly stop me from losing myself in this period of trial by fire.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Who am I?
I remember at age 9 or 10 thinking I was going to be a pastor's wife. I attended a small country church and could imagine myself leading the vacation bible schools. I would wear the pretty dress and have my hair in a pretty bun. My pastor husband would always be happy with how I carried myself. Besides being a nurse, there was no other job or role that I could imagine myself being when I grew up. Then life happened.
That small church closed a few years later. I attended a couple other churches but when I left for nursing school, I left God. My life took many turns away from the Church and God. There was always a longing and vacuum. There were failed relationships, dark days and the search for more. More came in the form of alcohol, working hard and playing harder. I worked long hours, spent too much and neglected my family,
My husband was in montage lending. There were lean times but the bonus times were wonderful. We were sent to Italy, Hawaii, Switzerland, and Cabo San Lucos. We moved from our cottage to a "McMansion". I could buy what I wanted when I wanted. But, my husband was traveling most of the time and I spent evening alone with the kids and a wine bottle. Life's vacuum seemed to grow larger and make it difficult to breathe.
During my pregnancy with my youngest daughter, I was diagnosed with a bleed in my brain from a golf ball sized hemangioma. I spent months on bed rest and was captive audience to a TV evangelist. The realization of if I die, I did not know were I would go. One night, in my tears of not sure if I was going to make it or my unborn child would, I had a dream of what my baby girl, named Elizabeth, would look like at age 2. It was like a promise from God that we were going to be ok. I decided to give my life back to Christ.
I was not cured overnight nor was I a perfect Christian overnight. My husband was not saved and I straddled two worlds of faith and the unsaved. In 2007, the housing market went bust and paychecks for my husband were drying up. He had a lot of time to figure out his next move. It was in the darkness, He looked up and met God.
That small church closed a few years later. I attended a couple other churches but when I left for nursing school, I left God. My life took many turns away from the Church and God. There was always a longing and vacuum. There were failed relationships, dark days and the search for more. More came in the form of alcohol, working hard and playing harder. I worked long hours, spent too much and neglected my family,
My husband was in montage lending. There were lean times but the bonus times were wonderful. We were sent to Italy, Hawaii, Switzerland, and Cabo San Lucos. We moved from our cottage to a "McMansion". I could buy what I wanted when I wanted. But, my husband was traveling most of the time and I spent evening alone with the kids and a wine bottle. Life's vacuum seemed to grow larger and make it difficult to breathe.
During my pregnancy with my youngest daughter, I was diagnosed with a bleed in my brain from a golf ball sized hemangioma. I spent months on bed rest and was captive audience to a TV evangelist. The realization of if I die, I did not know were I would go. One night, in my tears of not sure if I was going to make it or my unborn child would, I had a dream of what my baby girl, named Elizabeth, would look like at age 2. It was like a promise from God that we were going to be ok. I decided to give my life back to Christ.
I was not cured overnight nor was I a perfect Christian overnight. My husband was not saved and I straddled two worlds of faith and the unsaved. In 2007, the housing market went bust and paychecks for my husband were drying up. He had a lot of time to figure out his next move. It was in the darkness, He looked up and met God.
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